Strange Days Indeed

One of my jobs is at a bookstore. It's a chain store and it lacks the intimacy and quaint coolness that a mom and pop bookstore would have but I love it still. I love it because I love books and when I work there I get the feeling that I can contribute some small thing to the customers at the store; I can share ideas, and books, with them. In some small way I'm sharing a small part of myself with them and them with me. This is a magical thing most of the time; other times, not so much.

I haven't worked with the public in years and this part time job of mine put me back in the midst of the people out there on a much closer scale than I have experienced in the recent past. I was struck by one big thought...people really do seem stranger than I remember. There are some things that people do that leave me baffled, unnerved and sometimes just a little afraid. For instance we have a duo that comes in ever so often and can spend anywhere from $300 to $700 on just stuff in the bookstore. They order their cheap tea specially made using 2 separate spigots so that its "hot enough to burn [their] tongues". Their make-up is plentiful and garish. They speak with a faux British accent that is clearly an affectation. They wear fur coats, even on temperate days and they leave piles and piles and piles of books on the table for us to clean up. I am greatly amused by them and I love making up stories about their lives in my head. I could probably spend a whole afternoon discovering what goes on in their minds.

Then there is a male customer that comes in every month or so and purchases books on BDSM, porn and strangely, to me at least, gardening. He always buys these books together, all the time, everytime. If you read my blog, you know I'm not afraid of sexuality and I dont automatically consider a person a weirdo just because they engage in behavior that I may not exactly be in to. But there is something sinister about this customer; his energy is jumpy, dense, heavy, gray. He is clearly not ashamed of his proclivities and to me its neither here nor there what his ass likes. I just can't get past his aura.

There are many many more stories like this that I could share with you and many more that are downright disgusting (what some people do in the bathrooms would make you gag) but suffice it to say that working with the public gives you a glimpse into the mind of the macrocosm. The world is as dysfunctional as I've ever seen it and believe me I have been paying attention for a long while.

I wonder why this is. I wonder what is happening to the universe on a macro level that affects us here on the micro level so profoundly. As above, so below. What the hell is going on out there that we down here are becoming so extra- crazy or stupid or mean or [supply your own adjective here]?

Earth, Air Fire and Water: The four classical elements. In our own way we require some form of each of these elements to survive this human life. As a Scorpio I am primarily water but what would I do without my Fire, my Air, and my Earth? And also what would I do without my Ether, that mystical fifth element that contains all things and the space necessary to contain it? The Ether is carrying around all this massive swirl of stuff, this experience of all Experiences and its power is causing you and me and them and us and the whole world to be real, Really Real, really us. You feel me? So I think that all this strangeness is just the ether serving its purpose which is to reduce everything down to its essence. Most of the time we don't notice so the ether gives us more pronounced forms of dysfunction to jar us into paying attention. Thousands of birds falling dead from the sky, check! Deadly floods roaring to life, check! Schizophrenic shooters killing kids, check! All this is meant to grab us and make us pay attention. Yes atrocities have always happened but now, in this day and age, there seems to be a purpose to the madness. At least it seems that way to me.

Having said all that I still ain't that nervous about it. What will be, will be and as long as we go with the flow all will be easier, I think. But who really knows?

If you want to read a really good post by a fellow blogger of mine about her love of books go here.

It's a less rambling, more cohesive version of what this post was originally supposed to be about. I love how she featured the one place that I love unconditionally; the library!

I'm still in the process of figuring out what I want this blog to be but instead of waiting on the inspiration to hit me I will just post what I feel, when I feel it.

As always please post comments, if you have something you want to say. I love reading what you guys have to say.

Peace

The Observer Effect

I'm, uh, I'm, ahh, wondering about something. I'm curious about how the observer effect really works. I don't have alot of experience with exactly what the observer effect is. It's been defined this way:

The difference that is made to an activity or a person by it being observed

In physics, it has been proven that just the simple act of observing an organism changes the way it behaves. Since we humans are, on the material level, complicated biological organisms does that mean that we change when we are being watched? The obvious answer to that is yes, right? I mean, if you watch reality tv you know that organisms certainly act different when they are knowingly being observed. But does the same thing apply when you don't know you are being watched?

Here is a picture:

If you look at it long enough will I be changed because of it? I mean, you're observing me. Or does it have to be a live organism to be changed?

And another final, but perhaps much more important question is this...how does the observing change the observer?

I ask the strangest questions sometimes, lol.




Postscript:

Happy New Year. I hope that all of what you need and more of what you want is yours this year and ever after. Always look up.

Happy Halloween...... and Happy Birthday to Me!!!!

Yes Everyone....it's my big day!!!! Happy Halloween and Happy Birthday to me. It's the coolest thing, to have a birthday on Halloween. It's just so much fun. I get to watch the whole country celebrate my birthday!

My plan for the day is to take it easy....until the sun sets. Then who the hell knows what's going to happen.

One thing I can definitely say is that I am so grateful to have another birthday. I can't wait to see what the fam has cooked up for me today and I can't wait until tonight when I get to people watch...and do come birthday celebrating too!

I hope you guys have a wonderful day and....Happy Halloween!

The Dream- Day 9

On Tuesday night, or very early on Wednesday morning, I was having a dream. I was on some sort of a campus taking a class. The class was being held outside in a clearing. There were trees in a semi circle around the students. Some of us were sitting on beautiful verdant grass. I was sitting in a desk. Our professor came in, although I never saw him. He explained to the class that we were having some special guests in that day's class. One of the guests was a highly regarded poet. There was activity in the class; everyone was excited and very nervous because we all knew, even though we hadn't been told, that we would have to recite some poetry of our own.

After hearing this I am frantic. In real life, as in the dream, I write poetry. In real life I purchased this elaborately beautiful, deep blue velvet-covered journal to write poetry and stories in. In the dream I go looking for this notebook. Really searching.There is a poem in there and I know it's perfect to recite in this class. I'm not crazy about reciting this poem at all but I just know it's the one to read in case I'm called upon. I'm getting more and more anxious since I can't find it. But then I come into my bedroom, look under my bed and find it. I'm relieved. I go searching through the book, looking for the actual poem. I see snippets of other poems I've written, all done in my hurried handwriting. I flip and flip the pages of my journal and finally I think I have found it. I close the journal, run my hands over the velvet and leave with it. I wake up.

Lately my dreams have been less fantastic, more literal. This dream certainly wasn't overtly fantastic. But under the surface of it there seemed to be something more to it, something I have yet to figure out. I still don't get it. I'm typing it here hoping to not forget it.

The poem seemed to be such an important component part of this dream that I feel compelled to post it here. I wrote this poem, not for someone but about someone. I posted it someplace else as a dare to myself and I will post it here as well. Here goes:

It feels so good, so good
but this should
be you here where
I touch
I need you so much
My fingers move through
springy wetness
I breathe in bliss
and exhale miss
Because I remember
when you used
to do this
I stifle a moan
and use my pillow
to rub
away the worst
of my desire
I am on fire
for you

That's it. The only thing I will say in defense of my poem is that it came from a real place, a deep seated emotion. Otherwise it's just words. I hope you can feel that when you read it.

Peace

Music- It moves me-Day 18

It's a nice night here. I love relaxing and listening to music so I thought I would bless you with a few of my fav songs. Hope you enjoy them.


LOVE this song!!! Nothing compares to it!


Anita's voice is sublime!


NO ONE compares to Marvin Gaye.


Reminds me of better days.


"My Sweet Honey had to go away..."


Stevie is the best.


Everytime I hear this song I'm reminded of my childhood.....and all the unknown things in the world.


The Isley Brothers are sublime!


Such a great love song!


Another Marvin Gaye Classic. I love his voice!


A Modern Classic!


For my cousin Tonya!


I had to add Frannkie B and Maze!




I hope you enjoyed these songs! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think of them!

"I didn't walk out; I wore out" - Day 22

I was having a conversation  with someone that I am very close to, a woman whom I love very much, and we were talking about relationship issues. We were having the normal conversation about normal human relationship drama. She was especially talking about a previous relationship that had recently ended. She said something to me during that talk that I was totally struck by. She said it so quietly, yet so resolutely, that I have never forgotten it, and I doubt I ever will. She said:

"I didn't walk out; I wore out"

She was still suffering from the ending of the relationship, that much was clear, but the overall tone of her admission was hope. She explained that she had tried and tried, worked hard at the relationship, and it still wasn't enough to insure that the relationship lasted. She knew in the depths of her heart that she had done all she was capable of doing to make that relationship work. That's why she was able to let the relationship go and move on. Her heart was clear. And she was ready to be happy.

I mention this only because I want to encourage anyone who is in a relationship that they feel they have to stay in to really look at it, examine it, and determine if you have done all you can do to make it work. If so, what justifies your staying in unhappiness? Do you think you owe it to someone else to stay, even at the cost of your own fulfillment? And finally, is it worth it?

My loved one was really excited about her future prospects but I could also hear a tinge of regret in her voice. She knew she was free to move on but I wonder if she wishes that she had not "worn out" before she thought it was ok to leave. My hope is that anyone who is simply going through the motions in a relationship, or staying there because of obligation or fear, please consider taking the steps to find your complete happiness.

Don't stay and wear out..find the courage to, if necessary, walk out.

Who are They?- Day 23

This video asks an inportant question: Just who are they? Got any answers.....?