Happy Halloween

Today's my birthday. I love that I'm alive today and that I have reached another milestone, another year to add to the many I have had and the many more I hope to have. I'm at a very special place in my life right now, a place where I see things coming together. I have never felt closer to the spirit and more full of mystical power than I do at this precise moment in my life. Yes, to some it sounds very hoo-hoo and out there but to me it is absolute truth.

I can only describe this time of my life as a ripening. I'm almost ready for the next stage, the next move. I'm excited about the direction my life is taking. I pray that I am up to the challenge. For my personal new year, for that's what I consider my birthday year to be, I have a plan. I'm going to learn as much as I can about plants and herbs and how they heal and help us. I'm going to celebrate myself by celebrating and cherishing the people I love and care for. I'm going to focus on my spiritual, physical and mental health, and I'm going to spend more time laughing, loving and being happy. Oh and cooking, lol. I'm going to live every day with as much love and happiness as I can give out and then some.

Thanks to any and all of you who have come here to share in the small parts of my life. Here's wishing you the very best of all good things.

Peace and make sure to pay special attention to the ancestors especially at this time of the year.

Shonneky

Honey

Hello all,

I'm posting today about a challenge I'm participating in. For the past few days I've been washing my face with honey. That's all, just honey and after experiencing some seriously excellent results, after just three days, I decided to invite you to join along. I'm a little late, I know, but after seeing the results I just had to share.

Here's what you do....click on this link and go read the details of the challenge.

http://crunchybetty.com/honey-challenge

This honey challenge has been wonderful. It smells delicious, feels decadent and it's excellent for your skin. It makes your skin GLOW.

Let me know how it works out for you!

Full Moon

My sister paid me the hugest compliment when she told me this song reminded her of me.

I'm posting it in honor of tonight's full moon. Who knows what might happen?

Stormy Weather and the Goddess Nuit part 2

In my last post I talked about the fearsome tornadoes and the horrible, almost biblical fury of Mother Earth. My kids were just fine and so was my house but many people lost their homes and their lives that night. Watching the power around me was awesome. I never want to experience anything like it again. The weather moved in waves that whole day and night. Sometimes we got downpours; other times we got wind and destruction. It was during one of those wind and destruction events that this happened:

The power went totally and completely out.

And this is really what I've been wanting to write about all this time. My whole city was without power for 7 days. That meant no tv, no internet, no hot water, no light. This time was to be one of the most surreal and enlightening times of my life.

The first few hours without power were pretty cool, really. We got out candles and lit them and laughed and rejoiced that the storms were over. We used up the last of the hot water to shower and, with candles lit, go to bed for the night.

The next day was a totally different story. When the power is out there is a strange stillness to the air. When there is electricity every thing sort of buzzes. It's under everything, that buzz. It's a hum that is just there. But with the power out that buzz was gone. It was so strange. The air was different. Combine that with the extreme quiet of a place after a major storm has hit, and it feels like the world has ended.

We waded though those days. During the daytime whole families were outside walking, playing, talking, interacting. We played games and commiserated about the bad weather. We barbecued and drank. It was lovely. Until nightfall.....

When the first rays of the sun would start to disappear you felt that vague tension that comes when you're out of your element. They all knew the darkness was coming and with none of the usual distractions to help us forget about it. Reluctantly people filtered back in to their homes to go to sleep and hopefully make it through the absolute dark. Do you know what I mean by absolute dark? When there is no artificial light everything is blacker, denser, more dangerous than even a faint hint of light can abolish. You look out the window and the trees that you have looked at for years seem more menacing. Shadows are more substancial. It feels like things lurk. For someone like me who is working through a fear of the dark this was especially disturbing. I could handle the daytime and the joy of being released from some of the trappings of modern life but the night, this new night, this dark night, was a whole different beast.

Until this happened:

It was on the 3rd full night of the power outtage. I had to go out to my car and find something. I walked hurriedly down the walkway. My intention was to get to the car and get the hell back in before I could feel the dark. Most every time I go outside I instinctly look up and I did that on this night. When I looked up what I saw took my breath away.

There looked to be millions of stars in the sky. Brilliant, shining, amazing, blazing stars. Just everywhere I looked. Just everywhere. I stopped, transfixed. I no longer was afraid. I felt the majesty of the universe out there and in me. I was proud. I felt so limitless. It was beautiful.

I stood on that sidewalk and saw the Milky Way undulate across the night sky. My mind immediately went to the goddess Nuit. She covers the night sky. Her stars shine forth from her belly, her whole body. She encompasses the heavens and the universe. She is beauty and mystery and protection and cover. She is lovely beyond words. I'm so grateful I got to look upon the night sky without the barrier of man made light. I think every person who lives in the modern world should have to.

Eventually the light did come back on. I saw some crazy weird shit during the blackout days after the storm. People fought over gas. People looted and stole. People cried because they could not watch the royal wedding that weekend. I am afraid for what society will actually devolve into if some true catastrophe occurs. I am not optimistic after seeing some of the things I saw. But I am thankful for that time because of what the night taught me. I was given a true gift during those nights and I will always remember that.

Stormy Weather and the Goddess Nuit

It's been a hell of a month, I tell you. Chaos is the the first word that comes to mind when describing my life in its present state but it may not be the most accurate. I'm totally and completely not bullshitting you when I say that something profound is going on with me internally, and it's causing everything else to shift around this, this, this, new awareness. I have never been more awake in my entire life, and I have never been more aware of my power. That's kinda scary...but it's also wonderful and beautiful and energizing beyond belief.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is dedicated to an old friend of mine Mother Nature. She's been tempermental (no disrespect) these past few months and this post is about her visit to my part of this world.

April 27th, 2011 started out as a normal day for us. There had been storms forecasted for the day but I don't think any of us thought anything of it. We have severe storms around here quite frequently at this time of year. Although the severe weather was still forecasted to occur throughout the rest of the day our normal lives continued; the kids went to school, I went to work and that was that. Part of my job requires me to meet clients at a predetermined location and help them with things. On this particular morning I had to meet a client and take her to work. Since her job was close to a bookstore my plan was to hang out there and not go directly back to work. I was excited about this because I honestly didn't really want to go straight back to work and sit at a desk for hours with no break.

I made it to the client's home with plenty of time to wait. There had been a strong breeze all that morning and I was enjoying it; window down, face into the breeze, eyes closed, breathing in the air. After I savored the wind for a while I opened my eyes. I looked into the westward sky and saw menacing, boiled-oatmeal looking clouds. Dark and full and heavy looking. I had a brief moment of concern because those clouds were coming from the direction of my home and the school that my children attended but I still felt that I had enough time to follow my plan and get back to work before the bottom dropped out of those clouds and the rains came pouring down.

I dropped the client off and went into the bookstore. It was a little slow in the store, unnaturally still even for a bookstore. After about 5 minutes a well-dressed man comes bursting into the store, and while he was not running he was definitely moving. A bookstore employee greets him asking if she could help him with anything. His reply is not a shout, not above conversational tones, but loud nonetheless. He says, "Oh I don't need any help. I'm just here to get away from the tornado". My ears perk up. Silently my brain is screaming, TORNADO, did you say? I become ultra alert. The bookstore worker is apparently feeling the same way because she replies excitedly "Tornado? What? Where?". He says, "Just about 30 miles west, near Athens. The roof of the school has been torn off. It's really really bad."

All at once a few things occur to me. One, I clearly recollect the menacing storm clouds I just saw a few minutes ago. Two, I am terrified to realize that my children's school is very very close to Athens and if those tornadoes are hitting there then my kids' school is in the path of that storm. Three, I am located in the exact place where a tornado hit a few years back and completely destroyed that very building. What the fuck???? As all of those things are popping into my brain I hear the tornado sirens going off. Immediately I look outside. The sun is completely obscured. Complete darkness has settled in and the wind is howling. At this point all I can think of is my children. As I run to my car I'm buffetted by the wind, almost knocked off my feet. I get in and attempt to drive to safety. I'm in my car, watching the road and looking west the whole time. And then I see it. It's a damn funnel cloud. What in the Hell???

(to be continued)

Constant Craving

There is a song that came out in the 90s. It was a huge hit. I did then, and still do, love this song. I'm listening to it right now. Besides the melody, I loved the lyrics. They were really deep to me when I was younger but now that I'm older and listen to them I really feel them even more. Ima post the lyrics and let you read them.


Constant Craving

Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin

And constant craving
Has always been

Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls towards truth
Or maybe it is life itself
Leads wisdom
To its youth

Constant craving
Has always been

Craving
Ah ha
Constant craving
Has always been

Constant craving
Has always been
Constant craving
Has always been

Craving
Ah ha
Constant craving
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been


(k.d. lang/Ben Mink)


The lyrics to this song are so true, don't you think? Aren't we always craving something, wanting it so bad, wishing that we had something that else, whatever that else is?

Especially in my own life there are examples of this. When I didn't have a job all I ever said was I wanted a job, please give me a job, I need a job. Then when I got that job after a while all I said was I hate this job, i need a new job, this job sucks. I never seemed to be satisfied, with anything, at any time. After a while the craving kicked in and I wanted more, different, better.

But then something changed in my life. I can't really identify what it is that changed but whatever it is it has totally affected my outlook.

I think on some level its the craziness that it happening globally. It's the death and destruction in Japan, the fighting in the Middle East, it's the vast and widening gulf between the rich and poor here in my own country that has erased some of that constant craving.

I'm relaxing more. I'm learning to appreciate all the good things happening in my life. I still want things, still crave them actually but now I have a better idea about how to love the time I have. I waste time less, I value more. My cravings are manageable. I have more positive emotions. I have learned that shit could be much much worse, and collectively for us all they may well get much much worse. But if I don't continue to appreciate the time that I have right now, when things are going pretty good, how the hell will I be able to function when things are bad?

That's my life right now and I'm thankful for it.

Here is the actual video in case you've a mind to watch it.

The Moon

"And there will be strange signs in the sun, moon, and stars. And here on earth the nations will be in turmoil, perplexed by the roaring seas and strange tides." Luke 21:25

There was a lunar eclipse on the winter solstice of 2010. Having an eclipse on a winter solstice is a very rare phenomonon. It happens only once every 372 years. The rarity of this event makes it more than noteworthy; it makes it portentous. Maybe portentous isn't the right word because I dont think it means something negative, but it's meaningful nonetheless. This lunar eclipse has been followed by some really strange events going on worldwide many of which I have alluded to in a previous post. The strong earthquakes worldwide, the extremely cold weather, the animal die-offs...all of them point to something happening. And it all occurred after the eclipse on the winter solstice.

This video is interesting in that it mentions something that may be significant.



As a night sky watcher I have had this feeling that something was going on with the moon. With the naked eye and with my telescope it just looks different. After doing more research about what may cause this strange orientation of the moon I discovered that the moon's view is a result of libration. This may, or may not be true. I tend to lean toward my own understanding, as one man, or woman, is just as fallible as any other one.


Here's another video that may the direct result of the moon's weird activity.



Maybe libration is responsible for how the moon looks but there seems to definitely be something happening with the earth. I know that the earth goes through these changes all the time but for some reason at this time in the universe these changes seem to be accelerating.

There is a book by Susan Beth Pfeffer called "Life as we Knew It"
In the book there is a meteor heading to the moon which is supposed to be spectacular and thrilling to watch, kind of like a galactic fireworks display but is said to pose no harm to earth. However the meteor happens to hit the moon harder than originally expected and its effects wreak havoc on the earth's weather. Shit gets very real, very quickly in this book. It comes down to a real life survial mode type stuff. This was a very interesting, thought provoking book. It caused me to ask myself many times what I would do in that situation. Seeing all this funky stuff happen with the moon is making the scenarios that happened in books seems more likely than before. It's funny how life and fiction can be more real than we imagined.

I will always believe that humans are affected by the heavenly bodies, not just in overt ways like needing the sun to help grow food and by the full moon affecting tides but in more subtle ways as well. To learn how the skies affect you on a subtle level all you have to do is pay attention.

Strange Days Indeed

One of my jobs is at a bookstore. It's a chain store and it lacks the intimacy and quaint coolness that a mom and pop bookstore would have but I love it still. I love it because I love books and when I work there I get the feeling that I can contribute some small thing to the customers at the store; I can share ideas, and books, with them. In some small way I'm sharing a small part of myself with them and them with me. This is a magical thing most of the time; other times, not so much.

I haven't worked with the public in years and this part time job of mine put me back in the midst of the people out there on a much closer scale than I have experienced in the recent past. I was struck by one big thought...people really do seem stranger than I remember. There are some things that people do that leave me baffled, unnerved and sometimes just a little afraid. For instance we have a duo that comes in ever so often and can spend anywhere from $300 to $700 on just stuff in the bookstore. They order their cheap tea specially made using 2 separate spigots so that its "hot enough to burn [their] tongues". Their make-up is plentiful and garish. They speak with a faux British accent that is clearly an affectation. They wear fur coats, even on temperate days and they leave piles and piles and piles of books on the table for us to clean up. I am greatly amused by them and I love making up stories about their lives in my head. I could probably spend a whole afternoon discovering what goes on in their minds.

Then there is a male customer that comes in every month or so and purchases books on BDSM, porn and strangely, to me at least, gardening. He always buys these books together, all the time, everytime. If you read my blog, you know I'm not afraid of sexuality and I dont automatically consider a person a weirdo just because they engage in behavior that I may not exactly be in to. But there is something sinister about this customer; his energy is jumpy, dense, heavy, gray. He is clearly not ashamed of his proclivities and to me its neither here nor there what his ass likes. I just can't get past his aura.

There are many many more stories like this that I could share with you and many more that are downright disgusting (what some people do in the bathrooms would make you gag) but suffice it to say that working with the public gives you a glimpse into the mind of the macrocosm. The world is as dysfunctional as I've ever seen it and believe me I have been paying attention for a long while.

I wonder why this is. I wonder what is happening to the universe on a macro level that affects us here on the micro level so profoundly. As above, so below. What the hell is going on out there that we down here are becoming so extra- crazy or stupid or mean or [supply your own adjective here]?

Earth, Air Fire and Water: The four classical elements. In our own way we require some form of each of these elements to survive this human life. As a Scorpio I am primarily water but what would I do without my Fire, my Air, and my Earth? And also what would I do without my Ether, that mystical fifth element that contains all things and the space necessary to contain it? The Ether is carrying around all this massive swirl of stuff, this experience of all Experiences and its power is causing you and me and them and us and the whole world to be real, Really Real, really us. You feel me? So I think that all this strangeness is just the ether serving its purpose which is to reduce everything down to its essence. Most of the time we don't notice so the ether gives us more pronounced forms of dysfunction to jar us into paying attention. Thousands of birds falling dead from the sky, check! Deadly floods roaring to life, check! Schizophrenic shooters killing kids, check! All this is meant to grab us and make us pay attention. Yes atrocities have always happened but now, in this day and age, there seems to be a purpose to the madness. At least it seems that way to me.

Having said all that I still ain't that nervous about it. What will be, will be and as long as we go with the flow all will be easier, I think. But who really knows?

If you want to read a really good post by a fellow blogger of mine about her love of books go here.

It's a less rambling, more cohesive version of what this post was originally supposed to be about. I love how she featured the one place that I love unconditionally; the library!

I'm still in the process of figuring out what I want this blog to be but instead of waiting on the inspiration to hit me I will just post what I feel, when I feel it.

As always please post comments, if you have something you want to say. I love reading what you guys have to say.

Peace

The Observer Effect

I'm, uh, I'm, ahh, wondering about something. I'm curious about how the observer effect really works. I don't have alot of experience with exactly what the observer effect is. It's been defined this way:

The difference that is made to an activity or a person by it being observed

In physics, it has been proven that just the simple act of observing an organism changes the way it behaves. Since we humans are, on the material level, complicated biological organisms does that mean that we change when we are being watched? The obvious answer to that is yes, right? I mean, if you watch reality tv you know that organisms certainly act different when they are knowingly being observed. But does the same thing apply when you don't know you are being watched?

Here is a picture:

If you look at it long enough will I be changed because of it? I mean, you're observing me. Or does it have to be a live organism to be changed?

And another final, but perhaps much more important question is this...how does the observing change the observer?

I ask the strangest questions sometimes, lol.




Postscript:

Happy New Year. I hope that all of what you need and more of what you want is yours this year and ever after. Always look up.

Happy Halloween...... and Happy Birthday to Me!!!!

Yes Everyone....it's my big day!!!! Happy Halloween and Happy Birthday to me. It's the coolest thing, to have a birthday on Halloween. It's just so much fun. I get to watch the whole country celebrate my birthday!

My plan for the day is to take it easy....until the sun sets. Then who the hell knows what's going to happen.

One thing I can definitely say is that I am so grateful to have another birthday. I can't wait to see what the fam has cooked up for me today and I can't wait until tonight when I get to people watch...and do come birthday celebrating too!

I hope you guys have a wonderful day and....Happy Halloween!

The Dream- Day 9

On Tuesday night, or very early on Wednesday morning, I was having a dream. I was on some sort of a campus taking a class. The class was being held outside in a clearing. There were trees in a semi circle around the students. Some of us were sitting on beautiful verdant grass. I was sitting in a desk. Our professor came in, although I never saw him. He explained to the class that we were having some special guests in that day's class. One of the guests was a highly regarded poet. There was activity in the class; everyone was excited and very nervous because we all knew, even though we hadn't been told, that we would have to recite some poetry of our own.

After hearing this I am frantic. In real life, as in the dream, I write poetry. In real life I purchased this elaborately beautiful, deep blue velvet-covered journal to write poetry and stories in. In the dream I go looking for this notebook. Really searching.There is a poem in there and I know it's perfect to recite in this class. I'm not crazy about reciting this poem at all but I just know it's the one to read in case I'm called upon. I'm getting more and more anxious since I can't find it. But then I come into my bedroom, look under my bed and find it. I'm relieved. I go searching through the book, looking for the actual poem. I see snippets of other poems I've written, all done in my hurried handwriting. I flip and flip the pages of my journal and finally I think I have found it. I close the journal, run my hands over the velvet and leave with it. I wake up.

Lately my dreams have been less fantastic, more literal. This dream certainly wasn't overtly fantastic. But under the surface of it there seemed to be something more to it, something I have yet to figure out. I still don't get it. I'm typing it here hoping to not forget it.

The poem seemed to be such an important component part of this dream that I feel compelled to post it here. I wrote this poem, not for someone but about someone. I posted it someplace else as a dare to myself and I will post it here as well. Here goes:

It feels so good, so good
but this should
be you here where
I touch
I need you so much
My fingers move through
springy wetness
I breathe in bliss
and exhale miss
Because I remember
when you used
to do this
I stifle a moan
and use my pillow
to rub
away the worst
of my desire
I am on fire
for you

That's it. The only thing I will say in defense of my poem is that it came from a real place, a deep seated emotion. Otherwise it's just words. I hope you can feel that when you read it.

Peace

Music- It moves me-Day 18

It's a nice night here. I love relaxing and listening to music so I thought I would bless you with a few of my fav songs. Hope you enjoy them.


LOVE this song!!! Nothing compares to it!


Anita's voice is sublime!


NO ONE compares to Marvin Gaye.


Reminds me of better days.


"My Sweet Honey had to go away..."


Stevie is the best.


Everytime I hear this song I'm reminded of my childhood.....and all the unknown things in the world.


The Isley Brothers are sublime!


Such a great love song!


Another Marvin Gaye Classic. I love his voice!


A Modern Classic!


For my cousin Tonya!


I had to add Frannkie B and Maze!




I hope you enjoyed these songs! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think of them!

"I didn't walk out; I wore out" - Day 22

I was having a conversation  with someone that I am very close to, a woman whom I love very much, and we were talking about relationship issues. We were having the normal conversation about normal human relationship drama. She was especially talking about a previous relationship that had recently ended. She said something to me during that talk that I was totally struck by. She said it so quietly, yet so resolutely, that I have never forgotten it, and I doubt I ever will. She said:

"I didn't walk out; I wore out"

She was still suffering from the ending of the relationship, that much was clear, but the overall tone of her admission was hope. She explained that she had tried and tried, worked hard at the relationship, and it still wasn't enough to insure that the relationship lasted. She knew in the depths of her heart that she had done all she was capable of doing to make that relationship work. That's why she was able to let the relationship go and move on. Her heart was clear. And she was ready to be happy.

I mention this only because I want to encourage anyone who is in a relationship that they feel they have to stay in to really look at it, examine it, and determine if you have done all you can do to make it work. If so, what justifies your staying in unhappiness? Do you think you owe it to someone else to stay, even at the cost of your own fulfillment? And finally, is it worth it?

My loved one was really excited about her future prospects but I could also hear a tinge of regret in her voice. She knew she was free to move on but I wonder if she wishes that she had not "worn out" before she thought it was ok to leave. My hope is that anyone who is simply going through the motions in a relationship, or staying there because of obligation or fear, please consider taking the steps to find your complete happiness.

Don't stay and wear out..find the courage to, if necessary, walk out.

Who are They?- Day 23

This video asks an inportant question: Just who are they? Got any answers.....?

Life is Beautiful: Day 29

In keeping with my promise to myself I'm posting again today to say just one thing:

Life is beautiful.

Have a wonderful Saturday! I am.

The Countdown Begins: Day 30

I love the month of October. Usually the hellish heat of the South has faded and I can really get into the swing of Fall which is my favorite season.  There's another reason why I love October.....MY BIRTHDAY IS THIS MONTH, Halloween to be exact!!!! Some people hate their birthdays because it means that they're getting older, usually older than they ever wanted to be. Well I feel the exact opposite. I celebrate every year that I'm alive and I celebrate in grand style. That's why I'm planning to post once a day every day of this month just to keep a running countdown of this momentous occassion!

I don't know what this birthday has in store for me but I'm excited about it and I you guys to share in some of the excitement with me. I'll be posting original work, as well as random musings and whatever else strikes my fancy. Leave comments or email if there's anything you are interested in asking me or want to see me discuss. It's my birthday this month and I'm feeling adventurous!

To Know the Secret Things

I got up very early this morning, about 5 am. I didn't want to, resisted it every step of the way. I'm a night person or I always thought so anyway. This morning's sunrise and the thoughts that it made me think just may have changed that.

It was still dark outside when I opened the door leading to my back yard. I was a little hesitant to completely open the door to the dark which is a habit I have had since childhood. For reasons I can't explain I have a fear of the dark. It's not the dark that bothers me as much as what's in the dark that has always made me nervous. But that's another story for another blog post.

So there I was, standing at the back door, trying not to open it too wide, when I heard the first stirrings of the wind through the tree branches. You don't know this about me yet but the wind is probably my favorite natural phenomenon. I love it. So hearing the wind was enough to make me overcome my fears and step into the darkness outside.

The moon is waning now but it was still full enough that it cast an uneartly blueish glow through the tree branches and onto the lawn. For a moment I felt transported. The whole time I was out there in the dark and listening to the wind I thought about something that I always say to my self in my head but that was hard to say out loud:

"I have always wanted to know the secret things"


This is fanciful thinking, I know this intellectually. But on a primal intuitive level I have always felt that it was my purpose to know all about the things that are secret and seemingly unknowable. In my daily life I constantly meet people who seemed compelled to tell me their secrets. I am a virtual stranger to them and yet they tell me all kinds of things, things I would not dare utter to the world if it were my life, my business. I trip when I hear some of these secrets but never, never do I betray these people's secrets with a disapproving facial expression or open displays of shock.  And I have to say here that if there is anyone you want to tell a secret to I'm the right one. I respect privacy and I actually honor the notion that people feel they can tell me the things they tell me. I absolutely don't tell.

I do find this kind of disclosure ironic though since it damn near takes the threat of death to make me spill anything about myself. I can talk to a person for hours and never reveal a single personal thing about myself. I don't really trust people with my private thoughts. This isn't always a good thing because it limits people from really getting to know me. This blog is my exercise in opening up a little bit. But full disclosure here: if it's really personal it won't end up on this blog baby. Trust me. That's just the way I am.

I guess you could call me a keeper of secrets and that's in keeping with how I see myself. But I love knowledge too and especially exclusive knowledge. I guess that's why I'm so interested in the hidden aspects of life and the universe. I just want to know. There is a fine line between knowing enough and knowing too much. I want to know as much as I can handle.

Standing in that corner of my backyard, with the wind streaming through the trees and the moon casting its glow was the perfect backdrop to such thoughts. The sun had not risen yet; there wasn't even a hint of it in the eastern sky. But this early morning scene fired my imagination and rekindled that yearning to know, really know, inside me once again.

Maybe I'll start waking up early in the mornings now to see if I can capture it again.

Very Bad Things aka the Drama Queen Returns

I've been gone for a while. I'm sure that almost on one noticed it. I've been seriously challenged in the past three months. I've done, potentially, a very bad thing. Nothing felonious or criminal at all mind you. Just something that turned into a much deeper challenge than I expected it to be. I'm currently recovering from that, taking the time to try and find some distraction that will help me get a little distance from my own self-recriminations. So it's back to my blog. I give a Solemn Oath that I will be posting more often from now on. I hope that if you have been out there looking around in my world that you come back.

Resonance

Here's a video I found on Red Ice Creations. It's about human resonance and is really interesting!

I've been thinking alot about resonance lately. For whatever reason the word just keeps popping up in my conversations with people. I've been paying closer attention to the many coincidences in my life. These coincidences usually involve subjects or events that resonate with me on a personal level.

Resonance has many definitions but for the purposes of this blog I will define resonance as something that speaks to you in a deep meaningful way. You may not understand why you like a certain thing; you just do. Things resonate with us on a subatomic, subconscious level. To me resonance is that mysterious force that connects us with the unseen world around us, the world we feel but cannot see.

Pay attention to the things that resonate with you! The more you pay attention the more benefits you will receive from this mysterious force.

Demeter+Persephone: A Merging of the Goddesses

I'm transitioning right now. I can't explain it any other way. Whole sections of my life are altering themselves and there is something poetic and inevitable about it. It's almost completely out of my control and for the most part I just kind of sit back, detached, an unconcerned spectator to the spectacle. Ever so often some thing happens that jars me and forces me to pay closer attention. So now I am.

Years ago I developed a strong interest in goddesses. There is something about the goddess that strongly resonates with me. Years ago I was reading some book about goddesses and in it I found some throw-away footnote on Persephone and Demeter. I was intrigued by their story. I immediately did more research and found that Persephone's story really spoke to me in a way that I can't express adequately with words. Persephone, the innocent, Persephone the beautiful, abducted and held against her will in the dark Underworld. And Demeter, the giver of the grain, grieving for her daughter so deeply that she would deny life. I didn't know why this story had such a profound effect on me. Now, years later, I do.

A Summary

Persephone is the goddess of the underworld in Greek mythology. She is the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, goddess of the harvest. Persephone was such a beautiful young woman that everyone loved her, even Hades wanted her for himself. One day, when she was collecting flowers on the plain of Enna, the earth suddenly opened and Hades rose up from the gap and abducted her. None but Zeus, and the all-seeing sun, Helios, had noticed it.

Broken-hearted, Demeter wandered the earth, looking for her daughter until Helios revealed what had happened. Demeter was so angry that she withdrew herself in loneliness, and the earth ceased to be fertile. Knowing this could not continue much longer, Zeus sent Hermes down to Hades to make him release Persephone. Hades grudgingly agreed, but before she went back he gave Persephone a pomegranate (or the seeds of a pomegranate, according to some sources). When she later ate of it, it bound her to underworld forever and she had to stay there one-third of the year. The other months she stayed with her mother. When Persephone was in Hades, Demeter refused to let anything grow and winter began. This myth is a symbol of the budding and dying of nature. In the Eleusinian mysteries, this happening was celebrated in honor of Demeter and Persephone, who was known in this cult as Kore.

"Persephone." Encyclopedia Mythica from Encyclopedia Mythica Online.




Demeter
You Are the Greek Goddess Demeter
You are an Earth Mother, provider of delicious food and beautiful children. You prefer the company of the young, but you have a decided wanderlust, which makes being tied down lead to periods of depression. You are conscientious, law-abiding, and spiritual.

This above description is cheesy as hell but I added it for a reason. I was talking to someone recently and I attempted to describe myself in a way that illustrated the difference in the way that the world sees me and how I see myself. I said "People see me as an Earth Mother type....I love to cook and bake.....I love kids and want to teach them..." so when I saw this I was struck by the similarities between the perception of me and the description of Demeter. Demeter is nurturing. She brings life to the world. She is maternal. She is fiercely loyal. She feeds you and fucks you and does whatever it takes to make you happy. If you had asked me just six months ago to describe myself I would have used many of these same words. Without my knowing it Demeter and I were connected. I was living her energy. I was expressing the Demeter archetype without even realizing that I was. I poured every bit of my available energy into other people, other things, wearing the perfect mask. Somehow my psyche got tired of it. Expressing Demeter has caused me forgo myself and my own needs, my sense of self, my sexuality, my swag. I love the Demeter parts of me but my life had been so consumed with her that I wasn't even important enough to warrant an afterthought.
In my opinion, anytime a schism occurs between dual parts of ourselves the neglected part is going to make itself known, in small ways at first, and the longer you ignore it the worse the acting out will be. I'm quiet and introspective. I pay attention to myself. But it still took time to notice the other part of me, calling out. I needed to pay attention to Persephone as well.



Persephone

Persephone may be young and innocent and beautiful but really, when you boil her story down to its essence, Persephone embodies desire. She is so desirable that Hades, god of the Underworld, cannot live without her. He wants her so much that he will risk the wrath of the gods and the death of the world, to control her. Hades, who has certainly been around the block a time or two, is said to be drawn to her innocence and beauty. What must it say about Persephone that Hades, who has certainly seen it all and done the rest, would go to such lengths to have her?



I wanted to express my own inner Persephone. I wanted to be sexy and beautiful. I wanted to be spoiled and cherished. I wanted to be a part of that insane lust, that mad desire, that intense pursuit, that domination. I wanted to find all of that craziness for myself, in myself. It was time to let Hades come take me.



Isolation and Possession
In order to really experience and manifest Persephone energy you have to throw yourself into it. Nothing can get in the way. You have to become isolated and fully possessed. In some way you have to become almost childlike in your devotion to yourself. Self becomes everything. I made sure to pay as much, or more, attention to not just the things that I needed but to the things I wanted. I didn't give a shit if you liked it. I explored everything with to excess and with complete abandon: food, wine, books, orgasms.





When I think about that time now I realize that it could not and should not last. No That kind of selfishness was as destructive to me as my previous self-neglect. My dual parts, Persephone and Demeter, needed to merge. It took time and a real conscientious effort but now I can express both goddesses equally. They have merged in a way that makes my life fuller. I can focus on me, as well as all the other responsibilities that comprise my life. I'm happier for it and more fulfilled.

This is my Persephone/Demeter story and I this is how it played out for me. Others may have another archetype from which they need to work. Just make sure that whatever is going on with yourself that you pay attention. There is nothing really hidden from us if we take enough time to look.