Stormy Weather and the Goddess Nuit

It's been a hell of a month, I tell you. Chaos is the the first word that comes to mind when describing my life in its present state but it may not be the most accurate. I'm totally and completely not bullshitting you when I say that something profound is going on with me internally, and it's causing everything else to shift around this, this, this, new awareness. I have never been more awake in my entire life, and I have never been more aware of my power. That's kinda scary...but it's also wonderful and beautiful and energizing beyond belief.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is dedicated to an old friend of mine Mother Nature. She's been tempermental (no disrespect) these past few months and this post is about her visit to my part of this world.

April 27th, 2011 started out as a normal day for us. There had been storms forecasted for the day but I don't think any of us thought anything of it. We have severe storms around here quite frequently at this time of year. Although the severe weather was still forecasted to occur throughout the rest of the day our normal lives continued; the kids went to school, I went to work and that was that. Part of my job requires me to meet clients at a predetermined location and help them with things. On this particular morning I had to meet a client and take her to work. Since her job was close to a bookstore my plan was to hang out there and not go directly back to work. I was excited about this because I honestly didn't really want to go straight back to work and sit at a desk for hours with no break.

I made it to the client's home with plenty of time to wait. There had been a strong breeze all that morning and I was enjoying it; window down, face into the breeze, eyes closed, breathing in the air. After I savored the wind for a while I opened my eyes. I looked into the westward sky and saw menacing, boiled-oatmeal looking clouds. Dark and full and heavy looking. I had a brief moment of concern because those clouds were coming from the direction of my home and the school that my children attended but I still felt that I had enough time to follow my plan and get back to work before the bottom dropped out of those clouds and the rains came pouring down.

I dropped the client off and went into the bookstore. It was a little slow in the store, unnaturally still even for a bookstore. After about 5 minutes a well-dressed man comes bursting into the store, and while he was not running he was definitely moving. A bookstore employee greets him asking if she could help him with anything. His reply is not a shout, not above conversational tones, but loud nonetheless. He says, "Oh I don't need any help. I'm just here to get away from the tornado". My ears perk up. Silently my brain is screaming, TORNADO, did you say? I become ultra alert. The bookstore worker is apparently feeling the same way because she replies excitedly "Tornado? What? Where?". He says, "Just about 30 miles west, near Athens. The roof of the school has been torn off. It's really really bad."

All at once a few things occur to me. One, I clearly recollect the menacing storm clouds I just saw a few minutes ago. Two, I am terrified to realize that my children's school is very very close to Athens and if those tornadoes are hitting there then my kids' school is in the path of that storm. Three, I am located in the exact place where a tornado hit a few years back and completely destroyed that very building. What the fuck???? As all of those things are popping into my brain I hear the tornado sirens going off. Immediately I look outside. The sun is completely obscured. Complete darkness has settled in and the wind is howling. At this point all I can think of is my children. As I run to my car I'm buffetted by the wind, almost knocked off my feet. I get in and attempt to drive to safety. I'm in my car, watching the road and looking west the whole time. And then I see it. It's a damn funnel cloud. What in the Hell???

(to be continued)

Demeter+Persephone: A Merging of the Goddesses

I'm transitioning right now. I can't explain it any other way. Whole sections of my life are altering themselves and there is something poetic and inevitable about it. It's almost completely out of my control and for the most part I just kind of sit back, detached, an unconcerned spectator to the spectacle. Ever so often some thing happens that jars me and forces me to pay closer attention. So now I am.

Years ago I developed a strong interest in goddesses. There is something about the goddess that strongly resonates with me. Years ago I was reading some book about goddesses and in it I found some throw-away footnote on Persephone and Demeter. I was intrigued by their story. I immediately did more research and found that Persephone's story really spoke to me in a way that I can't express adequately with words. Persephone, the innocent, Persephone the beautiful, abducted and held against her will in the dark Underworld. And Demeter, the giver of the grain, grieving for her daughter so deeply that she would deny life. I didn't know why this story had such a profound effect on me. Now, years later, I do.

A Summary

Persephone is the goddess of the underworld in Greek mythology. She is the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, goddess of the harvest. Persephone was such a beautiful young woman that everyone loved her, even Hades wanted her for himself. One day, when she was collecting flowers on the plain of Enna, the earth suddenly opened and Hades rose up from the gap and abducted her. None but Zeus, and the all-seeing sun, Helios, had noticed it.

Broken-hearted, Demeter wandered the earth, looking for her daughter until Helios revealed what had happened. Demeter was so angry that she withdrew herself in loneliness, and the earth ceased to be fertile. Knowing this could not continue much longer, Zeus sent Hermes down to Hades to make him release Persephone. Hades grudgingly agreed, but before she went back he gave Persephone a pomegranate (or the seeds of a pomegranate, according to some sources). When she later ate of it, it bound her to underworld forever and she had to stay there one-third of the year. The other months she stayed with her mother. When Persephone was in Hades, Demeter refused to let anything grow and winter began. This myth is a symbol of the budding and dying of nature. In the Eleusinian mysteries, this happening was celebrated in honor of Demeter and Persephone, who was known in this cult as Kore.

"Persephone." Encyclopedia Mythica from Encyclopedia Mythica Online.




Demeter
You Are the Greek Goddess Demeter
You are an Earth Mother, provider of delicious food and beautiful children. You prefer the company of the young, but you have a decided wanderlust, which makes being tied down lead to periods of depression. You are conscientious, law-abiding, and spiritual.

This above description is cheesy as hell but I added it for a reason. I was talking to someone recently and I attempted to describe myself in a way that illustrated the difference in the way that the world sees me and how I see myself. I said "People see me as an Earth Mother type....I love to cook and bake.....I love kids and want to teach them..." so when I saw this I was struck by the similarities between the perception of me and the description of Demeter. Demeter is nurturing. She brings life to the world. She is maternal. She is fiercely loyal. She feeds you and fucks you and does whatever it takes to make you happy. If you had asked me just six months ago to describe myself I would have used many of these same words. Without my knowing it Demeter and I were connected. I was living her energy. I was expressing the Demeter archetype without even realizing that I was. I poured every bit of my available energy into other people, other things, wearing the perfect mask. Somehow my psyche got tired of it. Expressing Demeter has caused me forgo myself and my own needs, my sense of self, my sexuality, my swag. I love the Demeter parts of me but my life had been so consumed with her that I wasn't even important enough to warrant an afterthought.
In my opinion, anytime a schism occurs between dual parts of ourselves the neglected part is going to make itself known, in small ways at first, and the longer you ignore it the worse the acting out will be. I'm quiet and introspective. I pay attention to myself. But it still took time to notice the other part of me, calling out. I needed to pay attention to Persephone as well.



Persephone

Persephone may be young and innocent and beautiful but really, when you boil her story down to its essence, Persephone embodies desire. She is so desirable that Hades, god of the Underworld, cannot live without her. He wants her so much that he will risk the wrath of the gods and the death of the world, to control her. Hades, who has certainly been around the block a time or two, is said to be drawn to her innocence and beauty. What must it say about Persephone that Hades, who has certainly seen it all and done the rest, would go to such lengths to have her?



I wanted to express my own inner Persephone. I wanted to be sexy and beautiful. I wanted to be spoiled and cherished. I wanted to be a part of that insane lust, that mad desire, that intense pursuit, that domination. I wanted to find all of that craziness for myself, in myself. It was time to let Hades come take me.



Isolation and Possession
In order to really experience and manifest Persephone energy you have to throw yourself into it. Nothing can get in the way. You have to become isolated and fully possessed. In some way you have to become almost childlike in your devotion to yourself. Self becomes everything. I made sure to pay as much, or more, attention to not just the things that I needed but to the things I wanted. I didn't give a shit if you liked it. I explored everything with to excess and with complete abandon: food, wine, books, orgasms.





When I think about that time now I realize that it could not and should not last. No That kind of selfishness was as destructive to me as my previous self-neglect. My dual parts, Persephone and Demeter, needed to merge. It took time and a real conscientious effort but now I can express both goddesses equally. They have merged in a way that makes my life fuller. I can focus on me, as well as all the other responsibilities that comprise my life. I'm happier for it and more fulfilled.

This is my Persephone/Demeter story and I this is how it played out for me. Others may have another archetype from which they need to work. Just make sure that whatever is going on with yourself that you pay attention. There is nothing really hidden from us if we take enough time to look.