Stormy Weather and the Goddess Nuit

It's been a hell of a month, I tell you. Chaos is the the first word that comes to mind when describing my life in its present state but it may not be the most accurate. I'm totally and completely not bullshitting you when I say that something profound is going on with me internally, and it's causing everything else to shift around this, this, this, new awareness. I have never been more awake in my entire life, and I have never been more aware of my power. That's kinda scary...but it's also wonderful and beautiful and energizing beyond belief.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is dedicated to an old friend of mine Mother Nature. She's been tempermental (no disrespect) these past few months and this post is about her visit to my part of this world.

April 27th, 2011 started out as a normal day for us. There had been storms forecasted for the day but I don't think any of us thought anything of it. We have severe storms around here quite frequently at this time of year. Although the severe weather was still forecasted to occur throughout the rest of the day our normal lives continued; the kids went to school, I went to work and that was that. Part of my job requires me to meet clients at a predetermined location and help them with things. On this particular morning I had to meet a client and take her to work. Since her job was close to a bookstore my plan was to hang out there and not go directly back to work. I was excited about this because I honestly didn't really want to go straight back to work and sit at a desk for hours with no break.

I made it to the client's home with plenty of time to wait. There had been a strong breeze all that morning and I was enjoying it; window down, face into the breeze, eyes closed, breathing in the air. After I savored the wind for a while I opened my eyes. I looked into the westward sky and saw menacing, boiled-oatmeal looking clouds. Dark and full and heavy looking. I had a brief moment of concern because those clouds were coming from the direction of my home and the school that my children attended but I still felt that I had enough time to follow my plan and get back to work before the bottom dropped out of those clouds and the rains came pouring down.

I dropped the client off and went into the bookstore. It was a little slow in the store, unnaturally still even for a bookstore. After about 5 minutes a well-dressed man comes bursting into the store, and while he was not running he was definitely moving. A bookstore employee greets him asking if she could help him with anything. His reply is not a shout, not above conversational tones, but loud nonetheless. He says, "Oh I don't need any help. I'm just here to get away from the tornado". My ears perk up. Silently my brain is screaming, TORNADO, did you say? I become ultra alert. The bookstore worker is apparently feeling the same way because she replies excitedly "Tornado? What? Where?". He says, "Just about 30 miles west, near Athens. The roof of the school has been torn off. It's really really bad."

All at once a few things occur to me. One, I clearly recollect the menacing storm clouds I just saw a few minutes ago. Two, I am terrified to realize that my children's school is very very close to Athens and if those tornadoes are hitting there then my kids' school is in the path of that storm. Three, I am located in the exact place where a tornado hit a few years back and completely destroyed that very building. What the fuck???? As all of those things are popping into my brain I hear the tornado sirens going off. Immediately I look outside. The sun is completely obscured. Complete darkness has settled in and the wind is howling. At this point all I can think of is my children. As I run to my car I'm buffetted by the wind, almost knocked off my feet. I get in and attempt to drive to safety. I'm in my car, watching the road and looking west the whole time. And then I see it. It's a damn funnel cloud. What in the Hell???

(to be continued)

Constant Craving

There is a song that came out in the 90s. It was a huge hit. I did then, and still do, love this song. I'm listening to it right now. Besides the melody, I loved the lyrics. They were really deep to me when I was younger but now that I'm older and listen to them I really feel them even more. Ima post the lyrics and let you read them.


Constant Craving

Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin

And constant craving
Has always been

Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls towards truth
Or maybe it is life itself
Leads wisdom
To its youth

Constant craving
Has always been

Craving
Ah ha
Constant craving
Has always been

Constant craving
Has always been
Constant craving
Has always been

Craving
Ah ha
Constant craving
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been


(k.d. lang/Ben Mink)


The lyrics to this song are so true, don't you think? Aren't we always craving something, wanting it so bad, wishing that we had something that else, whatever that else is?

Especially in my own life there are examples of this. When I didn't have a job all I ever said was I wanted a job, please give me a job, I need a job. Then when I got that job after a while all I said was I hate this job, i need a new job, this job sucks. I never seemed to be satisfied, with anything, at any time. After a while the craving kicked in and I wanted more, different, better.

But then something changed in my life. I can't really identify what it is that changed but whatever it is it has totally affected my outlook.

I think on some level its the craziness that it happening globally. It's the death and destruction in Japan, the fighting in the Middle East, it's the vast and widening gulf between the rich and poor here in my own country that has erased some of that constant craving.

I'm relaxing more. I'm learning to appreciate all the good things happening in my life. I still want things, still crave them actually but now I have a better idea about how to love the time I have. I waste time less, I value more. My cravings are manageable. I have more positive emotions. I have learned that shit could be much much worse, and collectively for us all they may well get much much worse. But if I don't continue to appreciate the time that I have right now, when things are going pretty good, how the hell will I be able to function when things are bad?

That's my life right now and I'm thankful for it.

Here is the actual video in case you've a mind to watch it.

The Moon

"And there will be strange signs in the sun, moon, and stars. And here on earth the nations will be in turmoil, perplexed by the roaring seas and strange tides." Luke 21:25

There was a lunar eclipse on the winter solstice of 2010. Having an eclipse on a winter solstice is a very rare phenomonon. It happens only once every 372 years. The rarity of this event makes it more than noteworthy; it makes it portentous. Maybe portentous isn't the right word because I dont think it means something negative, but it's meaningful nonetheless. This lunar eclipse has been followed by some really strange events going on worldwide many of which I have alluded to in a previous post. The strong earthquakes worldwide, the extremely cold weather, the animal die-offs...all of them point to something happening. And it all occurred after the eclipse on the winter solstice.

This video is interesting in that it mentions something that may be significant.



As a night sky watcher I have had this feeling that something was going on with the moon. With the naked eye and with my telescope it just looks different. After doing more research about what may cause this strange orientation of the moon I discovered that the moon's view is a result of libration. This may, or may not be true. I tend to lean toward my own understanding, as one man, or woman, is just as fallible as any other one.


Here's another video that may the direct result of the moon's weird activity.



Maybe libration is responsible for how the moon looks but there seems to definitely be something happening with the earth. I know that the earth goes through these changes all the time but for some reason at this time in the universe these changes seem to be accelerating.

There is a book by Susan Beth Pfeffer called "Life as we Knew It"
In the book there is a meteor heading to the moon which is supposed to be spectacular and thrilling to watch, kind of like a galactic fireworks display but is said to pose no harm to earth. However the meteor happens to hit the moon harder than originally expected and its effects wreak havoc on the earth's weather. Shit gets very real, very quickly in this book. It comes down to a real life survial mode type stuff. This was a very interesting, thought provoking book. It caused me to ask myself many times what I would do in that situation. Seeing all this funky stuff happen with the moon is making the scenarios that happened in books seems more likely than before. It's funny how life and fiction can be more real than we imagined.

I will always believe that humans are affected by the heavenly bodies, not just in overt ways like needing the sun to help grow food and by the full moon affecting tides but in more subtle ways as well. To learn how the skies affect you on a subtle level all you have to do is pay attention.

Strange Days Indeed

One of my jobs is at a bookstore. It's a chain store and it lacks the intimacy and quaint coolness that a mom and pop bookstore would have but I love it still. I love it because I love books and when I work there I get the feeling that I can contribute some small thing to the customers at the store; I can share ideas, and books, with them. In some small way I'm sharing a small part of myself with them and them with me. This is a magical thing most of the time; other times, not so much.

I haven't worked with the public in years and this part time job of mine put me back in the midst of the people out there on a much closer scale than I have experienced in the recent past. I was struck by one big thought...people really do seem stranger than I remember. There are some things that people do that leave me baffled, unnerved and sometimes just a little afraid. For instance we have a duo that comes in ever so often and can spend anywhere from $300 to $700 on just stuff in the bookstore. They order their cheap tea specially made using 2 separate spigots so that its "hot enough to burn [their] tongues". Their make-up is plentiful and garish. They speak with a faux British accent that is clearly an affectation. They wear fur coats, even on temperate days and they leave piles and piles and piles of books on the table for us to clean up. I am greatly amused by them and I love making up stories about their lives in my head. I could probably spend a whole afternoon discovering what goes on in their minds.

Then there is a male customer that comes in every month or so and purchases books on BDSM, porn and strangely, to me at least, gardening. He always buys these books together, all the time, everytime. If you read my blog, you know I'm not afraid of sexuality and I dont automatically consider a person a weirdo just because they engage in behavior that I may not exactly be in to. But there is something sinister about this customer; his energy is jumpy, dense, heavy, gray. He is clearly not ashamed of his proclivities and to me its neither here nor there what his ass likes. I just can't get past his aura.

There are many many more stories like this that I could share with you and many more that are downright disgusting (what some people do in the bathrooms would make you gag) but suffice it to say that working with the public gives you a glimpse into the mind of the macrocosm. The world is as dysfunctional as I've ever seen it and believe me I have been paying attention for a long while.

I wonder why this is. I wonder what is happening to the universe on a macro level that affects us here on the micro level so profoundly. As above, so below. What the hell is going on out there that we down here are becoming so extra- crazy or stupid or mean or [supply your own adjective here]?

Earth, Air Fire and Water: The four classical elements. In our own way we require some form of each of these elements to survive this human life. As a Scorpio I am primarily water but what would I do without my Fire, my Air, and my Earth? And also what would I do without my Ether, that mystical fifth element that contains all things and the space necessary to contain it? The Ether is carrying around all this massive swirl of stuff, this experience of all Experiences and its power is causing you and me and them and us and the whole world to be real, Really Real, really us. You feel me? So I think that all this strangeness is just the ether serving its purpose which is to reduce everything down to its essence. Most of the time we don't notice so the ether gives us more pronounced forms of dysfunction to jar us into paying attention. Thousands of birds falling dead from the sky, check! Deadly floods roaring to life, check! Schizophrenic shooters killing kids, check! All this is meant to grab us and make us pay attention. Yes atrocities have always happened but now, in this day and age, there seems to be a purpose to the madness. At least it seems that way to me.

Having said all that I still ain't that nervous about it. What will be, will be and as long as we go with the flow all will be easier, I think. But who really knows?

If you want to read a really good post by a fellow blogger of mine about her love of books go here.

It's a less rambling, more cohesive version of what this post was originally supposed to be about. I love how she featured the one place that I love unconditionally; the library!

I'm still in the process of figuring out what I want this blog to be but instead of waiting on the inspiration to hit me I will just post what I feel, when I feel it.

As always please post comments, if you have something you want to say. I love reading what you guys have to say.

Peace

The Observer Effect

I'm, uh, I'm, ahh, wondering about something. I'm curious about how the observer effect really works. I don't have alot of experience with exactly what the observer effect is. It's been defined this way:

The difference that is made to an activity or a person by it being observed

In physics, it has been proven that just the simple act of observing an organism changes the way it behaves. Since we humans are, on the material level, complicated biological organisms does that mean that we change when we are being watched? The obvious answer to that is yes, right? I mean, if you watch reality tv you know that organisms certainly act different when they are knowingly being observed. But does the same thing apply when you don't know you are being watched?

Here is a picture:

If you look at it long enough will I be changed because of it? I mean, you're observing me. Or does it have to be a live organism to be changed?

And another final, but perhaps much more important question is this...how does the observing change the observer?

I ask the strangest questions sometimes, lol.




Postscript:

Happy New Year. I hope that all of what you need and more of what you want is yours this year and ever after. Always look up.

Happy Halloween...... and Happy Birthday to Me!!!!

Yes Everyone....it's my big day!!!! Happy Halloween and Happy Birthday to me. It's the coolest thing, to have a birthday on Halloween. It's just so much fun. I get to watch the whole country celebrate my birthday!

My plan for the day is to take it easy....until the sun sets. Then who the hell knows what's going to happen.

One thing I can definitely say is that I am so grateful to have another birthday. I can't wait to see what the fam has cooked up for me today and I can't wait until tonight when I get to people watch...and do come birthday celebrating too!

I hope you guys have a wonderful day and....Happy Halloween!

The Dream- Day 9

On Tuesday night, or very early on Wednesday morning, I was having a dream. I was on some sort of a campus taking a class. The class was being held outside in a clearing. There were trees in a semi circle around the students. Some of us were sitting on beautiful verdant grass. I was sitting in a desk. Our professor came in, although I never saw him. He explained to the class that we were having some special guests in that day's class. One of the guests was a highly regarded poet. There was activity in the class; everyone was excited and very nervous because we all knew, even though we hadn't been told, that we would have to recite some poetry of our own.

After hearing this I am frantic. In real life, as in the dream, I write poetry. In real life I purchased this elaborately beautiful, deep blue velvet-covered journal to write poetry and stories in. In the dream I go looking for this notebook. Really searching.There is a poem in there and I know it's perfect to recite in this class. I'm not crazy about reciting this poem at all but I just know it's the one to read in case I'm called upon. I'm getting more and more anxious since I can't find it. But then I come into my bedroom, look under my bed and find it. I'm relieved. I go searching through the book, looking for the actual poem. I see snippets of other poems I've written, all done in my hurried handwriting. I flip and flip the pages of my journal and finally I think I have found it. I close the journal, run my hands over the velvet and leave with it. I wake up.

Lately my dreams have been less fantastic, more literal. This dream certainly wasn't overtly fantastic. But under the surface of it there seemed to be something more to it, something I have yet to figure out. I still don't get it. I'm typing it here hoping to not forget it.

The poem seemed to be such an important component part of this dream that I feel compelled to post it here. I wrote this poem, not for someone but about someone. I posted it someplace else as a dare to myself and I will post it here as well. Here goes:

It feels so good, so good
but this should
be you here where
I touch
I need you so much
My fingers move through
springy wetness
I breathe in bliss
and exhale miss
Because I remember
when you used
to do this
I stifle a moan
and use my pillow
to rub
away the worst
of my desire
I am on fire
for you

That's it. The only thing I will say in defense of my poem is that it came from a real place, a deep seated emotion. Otherwise it's just words. I hope you can feel that when you read it.

Peace